so many thing happen today..
i think i jus need a break away from all stuff..
everybody words to mi is jus too much excuses today..
staff is scolded by mi for the very first time since i was a supervisor of them..
most of them..
and even my boss..
i didnt scold her of course..
but i am harsh in my words till she ask mi to call her up on monday to tell her about the problem i am facing..
i should know they dote on mi..
i should know they are nice to mi..
all of my bosses..
i thx them alot for giving mi such a gd chance to prove myself..
they see nth about my age scares them..
they think i am capable..
they think i am a very different girl from other teenager out there..
yes i am..
sry, that i shouldnt be so harsh in my words to u boss..
i am jus tired..
regardless of anithing..
when dion is not feeling well, i lost my spirit totally..
i jus don have the mood this few days..
i have no more patient in training the new staff..
i hope u listen to mi this once that i reali don wanna have a staff like that aunty..
i rather u fired mi then asking mi to train such a person..
jus one week, i didnt go to amk hub..
and today ended up being so unhappy the whole day there..
all my other staff are talking about her..
all are being scolded by mi becos of her..
all the fault and blames are on others, not her..
so i scolded everyone who didnt pass down my message clearly to her..
and scolded her too..
she is full of nonsense, excuses and stupid actions..
but i am reali not in the mood these few days..
being capable, being a gd leader..
being a gd mum..
i olways have to choose..
other then work..
i spend all my other time on dion..
but work still occupy all the time i have..
i wanted to give dion more time..
i wanted to stay by her side more teaching her what is right or wrong..
i am a gd supervisor..
but what about a role as a mum..
my girl is sick..
and i fucking has to work not being by herside..
i should be there looking after her right?
i reali wanna give up..
one thing in my life now..
but i love my job, i love dion too..
or maybe i am jus too exhausted..
to all thing that has been happening..
i need a break..
maybe i am not as strong as all ppl might think..
i am jus a women who cry..
but he was jus the last person who sees mi cry infront of him..
after he left mi, or since we broke up..
i learn how to cry in the dark under my blanket without ppl seeing the weaker side of mi..
this is all i can do for myself..
and i have to wake up and tell myself that life has to go on..
make today a happy one..
but am i happy this way?
wit dion by myside..
i am happy..
but what about all choices i have to make and decide when i am left wit no choice..
forcing mi to every end of the world to learn how to build my own way..
i am only 20..
i know i shouldnt be complaining..
but can i even rant about of my unhappiness?
no i guess...
i cant..
becos i have to work even harder for dion..
i have to force myself to make a bigger step forward becos dion is watching her mum to do a gd job and make her proud..
i have to throw all my happiness away becos her happiness is even important then mine..
i couldnt even tell my family and frenx..
becos i have to show them that i am doin a gd job too..
make them proud of mi too..
and show him that without him, dion has a very gd pillar..
dion has a mum who is doing a gd job in everything..
dion has a mum who work hard and earns money to feed her well and make her happy..
everything i do i will put dion into consideration first..
i can no longer choose wherede i like it or not..
i have too..
forgive mi baby..
mummy jus need a rest..
but for u, i will buck up fast..
becos u needed mi alot more now..
xuemin