if i said i can be able to put him out of my heart fully will anione out there believe?
if i say i am able to forget all about him, will anione believe?
if i say i can treat him like a dad of dion and nth more of that, will anione believe?
i should have hate him, but i couldnt..
i should have revenge on him, but i couldnt..
so how much more will i be able to do..
this few days, i haven been thinkin about him much..
i am too busy wit things..
and i had a mc on fri and sat..
becos my tooth ache so went to a dental to pull out my wisdom tooth..
i was telling myself, the needle that poke into my gums wasnt as painful as the tube that was detected to mi when i am in labour..
i was telling myself that the moment when the dentist force to pull out my tooth wasnt as painful as my wounds that take 6 months to recover after labour..
i was telling myself, everything i am goin through now, will not be as tough as what i went through during pregnancy..
when i needed him, he was out wit his frenx..
when i plead him to stay by myside for one nite, he still choose to stay out late..
when i needed him when i have to down to hospital for emergency cases he choose to buck out as if the baby in mi wasnt his..
when i told him that i want him to accompany mi to check up instead of his mum.
he choose to lied and break promise..
to him i am such a not worth woman..
but to mi he is like my world..
but after everything..
after thinking about everything..
i finally realize, i don need him animore..
no matter how tough my life will be in future..
no matter how stress i am gonna be..
i don need him, these yrs has pass..
all i can figure out that i am jus choosing to stay in those memorize that was bury deep..
but when i try to dig up the memorize and throw them to the ocean, i knew it myself that i don need him so much at all..
even when we were dating..
he was the one who needed mi more then i needed him..
even when we jus broke up 2 yrs back, he still needs mi as much as i need him..
i may be scare being alone..
i may be afraid to slp in the dark without lights..
i may be scare of the future wit dion..
i may be afraid of thunder..
i may be afraid of operations..
i may be scare of not doin well as a gd mummy..
i may be scare to meet guys again..
but i have learned to be so strong that i don need to hug him to slp at nite..
i have learn to try my best to be a great mummy to our princess..
i have learn to be a strong and independent woman that ppl envy..
i have prove that i am capable in everything i do..
i even prove that, even without him, dion will be still growing up well wit mi..
i prove that i have change to be mature and well behaved..
one day, he will regret..
for not turning his back to look at mi that once before i leave him completely..
becos no one will do a better job then mi loving him, pampering him, gave birth to our princess and gave up everything becos of our lil princess..
we are quits..
i don owe u anithing..
and now, i am gonna forget about all things that u did to mi..
even ur parents..
i gave u ur freedom..
but still allow u to see dion..
u gave mi dion and her surname back..
no woman will be as silly as mi i think..
jus lil thing like this i am contented..
i don ask for much..
not animore..
i am tired..
tired of missing u..
tired of thinking about u..
tired of hearing about u..
tired of seeing u..
tired of u..
xuemin