i kick onto something that i cant rmb.. and now my left leg is very swollen on the second toe..
but after ystd nite, when my hse had a quarrel..
i made my decision..
next yr..
might be renting a flat from HDB.. 1 room will do..
and i will bring dion away from this hse..
i jus don like living wit her..
i couldnt stop forgetting how i was treated by her when i was preg..
and that person is so called to be my mum..
but she nv show and behave like a mum..
so well..
i don wanna say so much..
had decide to bring dion out to stay..
i know will be tougher this way..
but i have a long way to go, and i have to learn how to take care of dion independently..
but of course..
jus becos i work in retail..
changing a job is my last option..
i love my job now..
i don wanna quit..
so i asked dion dad to do mi a small lil fav..
if possible, everyday when i am workin..
he could help mi fetch dion from skool..
and i will fetch dion at his hse after my work..
is best if i have enough to get a car now..
becos i will save alot of time on traveling..
but. i will work hard even more to earn that money..
no matter how hard and tough it all gonna be..
even if is tiring..
but at least, life will be happier then now..
at least, dion won get to grow up in the same situation like i do which i jus hate it alot..
i have no right to choice a mum..
but i have a right not to allow dion to grow up in this kinda environment..
i have a mum who olways complain of doin housework despite she is a housewife..
i have a mum who like to go out and leave the hse untidy..
i have a mum who like to say herself as a noble women but in fact, she did nth but trouble..
i have a mum who like to chat on the phone..
i have a mum who has mental illness(i think so) and love to beat up her kids ever since we were young..
i have a mum who think she is fucking big shot jus becos she is the one who gave birth to us..
so i won wanna let dion go through this..
i nv thought of asking dion to repay mi..
i jus wan her safe and happi..
i am not a mum who nags..
maybe not now..
but i am definitely not a mum who like to complain..
i only gentle hit on dion small hands jus becos she is at fault..
and i will give her a big hug after that jus becos i am sry for hitting her..
that is the different between mi and her..
i will jus tolerate till i am 21st..
and dion is getting older by then..
maybe i will be alot easier looking after her..
i hope her dad can do a part to help mi..
he agree olso..
i felt sry for troubling him..
but he say, afterall, dion is his daughter..
reali wanna say thx to him for being the one i can rely on on this part..
if not i will be quite helpless..
he didnt ask why i made this decision, but he might noe about it..
i reali felt him sometimes even when he is not at myside..
how gd if we can be like this forever..
but i am sure, there is no such thing as forever..
as i say, he will have a gf..
a wife and a family..
i am not sure about myself..
but i know, other then him, i no longer gonna love someone so much..
suddenly rmb of some sweet stuff when we are tgt..
i don feel lonely when he left mi these memorize..
at least this is part of the motivation to let mi love u so willingly..
nv i said to u in person..
looking at dion, i reali wanna thx u for giving mi such a pretty and adorable princess..
i see her slp beside mi..
i lean my head against hers, and i felt u close to mi..
i kiss her like how i kiss u gdnite..
i hug her like how u hug mi at nite..
i am not lonely..
i couldnt hate u for wanting ur own life..
becos i understand u more then anione else in this world..
i hate myself for not waiting..
but when thing had already happen, and when u have already left mi..
i think this is the smallest happiest that u can give to anione else..
i am glad this way..
at least u have shown, u tried to be a gd daddy..
i seen the gentle side of u..
i seen the love and eye contact u gave dion..
jus like how u use to look at mi and ask mi to love u more..
the whole world can forget u..
the whole world may cast u aside..
but trust mi..
if u willing to look back, mi and dion will olways love u..
till u understand what is kinship.. we will grow up wit u..
i passed my BTT today..
and booked my FTT on 23rd march..
yes, it is gonna be on my bday..
hopefully i will pass..
alot of ppl say is so tough..
but no matter how many time i were to try..
i will wanna obtain my license..
i wanna drive and bring dion out..
PDL will be next..
i wanna ask daddy to teach mi when we both are free..
dion surname is gonna change tgt wit her full chinese name..
i will go count character wit my surname..
donnoe what is gonna be her new name:)
but of course, DION cant change..
becos mi and her dad had the tattoo on us..
lolx..
dad and sisters asked mi to consult a doc about my feet..
as it was reali quite bad right now.. but couldnt afford ani off day lately..
so gonna see how ba..
gonna rest now..
dion finally aslp after her medicine..
poor princess, taking medicine so much..
but no choice she is so sick..
cough haben recover..
get well soon baby..
mummy and daddy love u alot:)
mummy love daddy poh alot too..<3
gd nite to both my sweetheart..
xuemin