a short update today before i head to bed..
well..
i got my iphone4 today..
and i did a backup restoring..
and everything inside went back to 2 yrs back..
even his smses to mi..
we were so close, so strong and so lovly..
but why does all this happen to us?
how much we use to be in love..
and important we were to each other..
why does it become like this..
and yes, again i am affected..
and again i cried..
and couldnt take it..
so send him an email to confess..
i know i did a wrong thing..
should have held back..
becos i reali reali don wan anithing from him..
i jus wan us to be like this..
so sick of rs..
so sick of being like this..
so apologies to him..
for being such a bitch to him..
for hurting him..
i make myself clear..
that i don wan anithing in return..
becos all i wanna do now is to be a gd mum for dion..
and hope he can play a gd role in dion dad..
that is all..
i will try not to ask much from him..
i will try not to bother him..
especially smsin him animore..
maybe not animore i guess..
i feel the distance after reading our past smses..
we are close till, he will feel upset when i reply him abit slower..
and i olways give in and love him unconditionally..
i blame myself for the change in mi..
becos if i am still the one who he use to love..
will we become like this now?
i couldnt stop my tear from droppin..
especially when i think of him..
i miss him, i reali miss him alot..
but why do i have to act strong infront of him and being so cool..
and whenmy back is facing him, i will olways regret not lookin at him longer..
becos he nv gave mi chances to see him..
i felt heartache..
i feel so pointless..
i feel so helpless..
that i lost him jus like this..
his name in my contact is babii.pig
and mine on him was bibii.pig
and most of the smses, we will address each other babii..
i miss that period of time..
i miss him being jealous..
i miss him telling mi how much he love mi..
if time could rewind now..
i will beg him that time to love mi more..
i will listen to all he say again and things like this wouldnt happen..
jus today..
i have this thinking that i am totally wrong..
who is the one who changed..
maybe is mi..
i am sry love..
i jus didnt tell u how much i love and need u..
i will allow u to scold mi..
i won allow my bad temper to take over urs..
i will still love u..
but the bad thing is, the time could nv turn back..
i lost u..
i am the one who made dion fatherless..
in the sense that she do not have a complete family..
i am the one being such a bitch..
i shouldnt whine for all things..
i shouldnt even complain i am tired..
becos i am the killer..
i kill this love, this trust, this rs and a complete family..
i am sry dion..
i am sry pjd..
i am sry to u two..
i reali reali love u two..
reali reali love..
haix..
tml goin office..
short meeting i guess..
so gonna slp early..
alot of thing happen in work..
alot alot of thing was tied down..
even being a bad person when i scold them..
well..
there is nth i can do..
i lost so much appetite recently..
i ate 1 meal in a day..
and didnt feel well..
but no way i am allowing myself to fall..
i jus have to rest more..
but work make mi stop thinkin about him at least..
so i might feel alot better this way..
xuemin