work work work..
it becomes my habit of life..
wit onli dion and work..
i can skip meals becos of work..
i can skip time to rest jus to have more for dion..
i don call myself a veri gd mum as i reali feel i neglected dion alot..
becos of work, i couldnt bring her to consult doc..
becos of work and wanted to earn more money..
i miss more time jus to see her..
dk is a gd thing or bad thing..
but i onli know, i have to earn more money..
i have a job wit gd pay..
gd workin environment..
but long hrs..
so gave her all time i had even i slept lesser..
sometime i do feel is veri tiring..
sometime i ask myself to rest more jus becos my health is getting bad to worst..
i know myself well..
how long more can i be able to hold on.
jus hope i can have a small break before cny..
i am have frequent gastric cramp recently..
i am having headaches often jus becos i skip my meals becos work is alot..
i wanted to hit the expectation for myself in work so i work harder..
i wanted everybody to see i am capable to be what i am..
so i have to be even hardworking..
but i know that.. deep in mi..
wanted to hide from something that i nv can deny..
i wanted to give myself no time to think about him..
well..
at this time..
i know i should be resting..
as i have to settle dion registration for her childcare..
decide to put her at the private childcare..
money is not the biggest concern now..
cos for dion, this is all i can give her..
i jus wan her to grow up more blissfully compare to other baby..
i wanted her to be a happi baby and enjoy herself in skool and not worrying about anithing else..
baby, i am sry..
couldnt be able to spend time to see ur growth..
but i promise..
i will work even harder to earn more money for ur sake..
becos u are my daughter...
my princess are suppose to be the luckiest baby in the whole world who has everything she needs..
i wanna be a proud and capable mum so that u get to see how much i love u..
i wanna tell the world that baby dion is don have to suffer like other babies..
even i may be tired..
but still mummy is still happi..
in work there may be pros and cons..
but i see u every morning..
it bring mi back to track to work hard..
u are so important to mi..
i hope u feel it..
i cant expect him to be the same like mi..
working hard jus for dion..
i cant expect him to be who i wanted him to be becos he nv gonna change..
but why do i love him that much..
even he cant change, i make my way to give in..
i am sick and tired of missing him..
but still it is my habit too..
i am happi like this without him..
i nv thought about him coming back to mi..
but i still hope, one fine day..
he will show mi more of a daddy like..
i admit i am forcing him to change for dion..
but i hope he understand that i wanted dion to rmb that his dad is a gd daddy too..
so in case dion were to grow up without him by ourside..
at least dion won forget him...
i wanna teach dion nv be ungrateful to ppl who dote and love her..
if i am wrong forcing him to change at his 24th yrs..
pls correct mi..
if one day, i am not around to give him chances and make his life so comfortable..
maybe that is the day he will thx mi..
but even if i leave to another country.
i will be bringing dion wit mi..
even if he pleads to ask mi not to take dion wit mi..
i won let dion go to him..
becos he still yet to show mi the gd daddy image..
love and reality..
is two different thing..
i don wan dion to grow up and ask mi "why daddy is like this"
he love dion.. but the responsibility he has to take is two different thing..
i am taking up my own responsibility and loving dion like no tml..
see our different mr poh jd?
hope u understand one day..
but that will be on ur 30s
i doubt i will see that day come..
but still jus do what u promise to our baby girl..
u have lied to her alot of times already..
so hope u are able to do what u promise..
the least u can do is to show an gd examples to baby princess..
and let her grow up unlike u..
i am heading to bed ler..
is nearly 4am now..
i have to be awake veri early tml to settle her child care thing..
quite excited about it..
and all right..
gd nite world..
xuemin