came to realize.. i wasted so much of my time in the past..
was wit dion whole day today..
thx to jayda who spent time wit mi too.
thou mi and her seldom contact..
but she is my veri veri best frenx..
we olways will think of each other and sms or call to ask how we are..
i use to have alot of gd frenx..
but now..
money issues are olways hateful...
but some of them..
don seems to like mi but being hypocrite enough only..
but this is life anit it..
when i choose to have a peaceful life..
ppl won let u go..
but instead.. they will claim that u are behaving like a kid when u jus wanna show ur temper..
but i am not the one who find trouble first..
so who is the one trying to act like a kid in the first place..
i reali prefer my life without all of those hypocrites ppl..
i choose to believe in myself, dion, jayda and my families..
like for instant, when i start to learn how to protect myself and jus wan dion to stay by myside...
Poh's family said that i change and my "fox tail has appear"
is not i don admit i change..
but truthfully, ppl tends to grow..
and learn..
i have been tolerating back the for almost a yr till dion was born..
despite i am the one suffering..
and choose to stay single..
but they still think that is my job trying to be as close to their son..
i did my part..
i reali did..
my onli condition to his mum and dad was that i wanted dion to be wit mi..
and when dion is out..
they told mi that i don noe how to look after children and all.
and even said that my mum wasnt gd enough..
it was a tough decision back then..
as they are somehow nice to mi..
they gave mi the best medical during preg.
jus becos my health is bad.
his mum olways tried to avoidalot of thing wit mi..
like not goin somewhere which is crowded and even without air con..
she cook for the family in the mornin..
but those left over food will nv gonna eat by mi..
she will olways drive mi out to pack my own packet of food..
olways worried i am hungry and store bread for mi but is olways eaten up by her daughter and son..
and worried that i climb up their hse stair that i might fall..
she nv fail to remind mi to switch on the light in every floors..
even i am back in my hse.. there is olways enough food for mi..
and even wanna pass mi money..
but i olways tell her that i don wanna take..
so she has no choice but to buy alot of food for mi..
i rmb how well they are..
i still feel as grateful to her and uncle..
look after mi when their son didnt do a gd job..
i told her before that i reali love her as a mother..
she may be straightforward..
she may be fierce and strict in ways..
but is olways for our own gd..
she olways need a accompany jus becos her children and husband is olways out workin..
i should have let dion to be the best accompany like how she was to my mum..
but thing happen otherwise..
i cant be so selfish to ppl who are nice to mi..
and jus becos of a small mistake they did and blame them forever..
before i forgive myself, i have to learn how to forgive ppl..
but still in changing myself to be better..
i have to learn to be stronger to accept the reality in this world..
if i wanna teach dion not to be like her own mum in ways..
i have to let go..
plans of migrating to other country, first saving up is still a must..
but thou dion is gonna leave wit mi..
but she has to be back here to celebrate festival wit them..
as i wanna teach her to honor the word "family"
my dad didnt see mi fall..
my mum, despite all she done to mi, and i blame her..
she feel guilty in ways and buy mi food whenever she noe i will be home late after work..
and both my sister:)
they supported mi alot..
slap mi awake when i did the biggest mistake that i ever made..
addicted to club and become so irresponsible..
and my brother..
he helped my mum to look after princess somehow..
whenever i calm down thinking..
i am not lonely, becos i have them..
and my veri veri best frenx..
jayda:)
thx for olways been there whenever i need u all..
i will earn alot more to repay my families members..
and i will earn more to give dion a better life..
is time for mi chin xuemin to let go all hates and start to work harder..
and i should ignore all ppl who don wanna give mi a peaceful life..
what is friendship..
now i know..
they are jus someone who claim that u are their frenx but they are talking bad about u behind..
what i know now is kinship..
which i honor alot now..
i am glad, the changes made to my family..
dion and marcus our new family members..
we are an happier family now..
i am sry to that girl who i mention in my post a few days ago..
but now even if u wanna continue to comment so much, i won care about u le..
becos i was wrong in the first place for humiliating u..
and that..
things ended now.. jus becos i wanna move on for my plans..
don wanna waste my time in anithing about ppl who don deserve at all..
they contribute nth.. but shits..
xuemin