had a heart to heart talk wit junde ystd evening..
is like the veri first time we had this kinda chat..
he met mi out to sort things out before today.
and i am gonna cancel today..
it is so obvious that both of us were wrong.
and afterall alot of thing is all cos both our parents.
alot of things i didnt wanna mention.
but i know myself that he had changed least abit.
while i am changing bad to worst.
can u all imagine that how much i wanna hug my daughter, but that bitch is outside my room door barking.
i suddenly feel i reali fail to be a mum.
this whole week is all about myself..
my own world like when wasnt out..
how can i be a gd mum..
my life had change so much.
scold mi more to wake mi up..
i wasnt like back then so determine to have dion out.
i wasnt reali so hard working like i told myself to be.
pathetic, yes..
i have been ignoring dion and my family..
hasnt reali spent time wit dion this whole week..
my bad..
i have been staying out like everyday till mornin and head to work..
i am reali running away from those unsolve problems..
i noe that everybody can see my changed.
but my frenx are all still helpin mi and encouraging mi..
but i reali reali dk what i wanted..
i actualli say that "i don give it a fuck about dion"
i slap myself after i said this.
becos she should be the most important person in mi..
haix..
what is wrong wit mi..
what the fuck is wrong in mi...
i don like my life now..
but i am so damn cb now..
haix..
none stop drinkin for the whole week..
i donnoe what gd thing i have done..
wtf..
haix.
i reali wanna hug dion now.
to say sorry to her..
i don mean it, i reali don..
becos i nv thought of the day where i will lose her.
she is my world ever since i was preg.
i shouldnt have said that..
i know crying now for the words i said cant mend anithing.
what has happen to mi.
nobody change mi.
is mi myself who change myself..
i didnt wanna talk to everybody who is over concern about my things.
i jus feel so down recently..
everybody been scolding mi.
but i noe i deserve it..
tonite i meeting gfs to club again..
but i promise after tonite, i will change.
as all gf are lookin forward to today..
tonite will be the last nite i be like this..
i don enjoy clubbing and drinkin..
not at all..
the more i have to change..
i am sorry, to dion, my dad, my sisters, my frenx..
i disappoint u all..
thx for waking mi up...
i will change..
xuemin