maybe the onli gd thing that tends to be happenin around mi is qi de gd day.
she is kinda stress.
but tryin my best to tell her to calm down.
i told kl and her le, plannin all this stuff might make qi lose her temper as she totally has no patients!
but i hope is still okie ba.
i trust kl will understand how she feels.
becos steppin into a new chapter of life.
like how i become a mother.
is jus that being a mum is even more stressful.
but she now doesnt live for herself.
she needs to live for her family, which is koek leong.
my dear girl!
once in a life time marriage! pls calm down and do thing on its pace.
is abit rush. but on that day itself. u will noe everything is worthy.
okie.
i can help u out in some thing.
but u urself needs to be in the major stuff.
i was a girl who once hope for a marriage like this.
without condition, without reason.
jus love.
when he told mi, 1 yr after we are tgt.
we will get marriage.
i felt happi.
becos i felt that he reali love mi.
all thing started appearing out of nowhere.
but is all the past.
i am sorry to keep mentioning about past.
but i nv deny that he was one of my true and best romance.
he is not romantic.
but he did his best.
he showed mi how much he love mi but he doesnt assure mi.
everynite he will tends to be angry becos of not huggin him to slp.
but all he wanna tell mi is to hug him to slp.
and he will slp like a small baby..
he hates it when he couldnt find mi.
he will show his temper, but all he wanna tell mi that he is anxious and worry.
i noe him too well.
but is a sad thing that i didnt give him a chance to noe mi well.
i acted veri strong.
i acted veri independent when he wanna to dote on mi.
but i noe.
he is jus like a small baby where he loves to be pampered and love to depend on others.
but he doesnt like ppl depend on him.
when he is in a bad mood. all i could do is sit there and keep quiet.
if not quarrel.
but of cos.
he will feel sorry when he himself noe he is in fault.
there is once.
i went to meet him after work straight.
when he is playin L4D wit his frenx.
he forget that i haben had my dinner.
and all the way till 1am.
we reach home.
and i had this bad temper.
and told him i wanna go back my own hse to stay, becos at least my parent won starve mi.
and then he hug mi and asked mi not to leave.
he say sorry and he promise he nv did it.
i was crying, and he wipe my tears away and hug mi tight that nite to slp.
i guess.
this is those small lil thing i love him for.
is not cos his family is wealthy, is not cos he has a car.
is not cos he is gd in sex.
but he didnt realize how much i love him.
is not about dion.
is about himself and mi that i use to love him that much.
he mean so much to mi.
but he nv knew it.
i guess nobody love him more then i do.
even his mum has told mi.
i am the onli girl that he bought to meet all his relative during new yr.
does that means how much he love mi too?
despite all.
he change somehow.
he doesnt love to hug mi to slp.
but he love mi to hug him.
he wan mi to give in.
but he cant and nv will apologies.
he no longer rmb the days we had.
like how much i wanna forget.
i recall everything.
but it doesnt seems to have different.
becos he no longer feels for mi.
i told him once.
the reason why i wanna leave him is becos he told mi he wasnt prepare.
not prepare to be a dad, and not prepare to step into marriage.
it prove mi that he hasnt grow.
he wanted to be on his own life.
all i told him was, be happi.
even happier then mi.
if not i will regret letting him go.
hey.
my dear boy.
have u realize how much we change?
is so diff now.
scolding bad words to each other.
feel that each other are useless, selfish and immature.
i hating u and u hated mi.
till the extend that i don even wanna see u.
ppl ask mi.
do i still feel for him?
the answer is no.
who i love was the guy who love mi so much.
not tha guy that took mi for granted.
marriage to mi is nv gonna be a topic in my life.
since the day he wanted mi to abort dion. my heart died.
becos the him i knew will ask mi to keep it and go through everything wit mi.
but ended up he told mi to abort it as yrs later we could have alot more babies.
luckily i didnt.
gratefully, i didnt.
i have onli a sentence to tell the girls out there!
don be naive to trust love.
we needed to trust and protect ourself more.
i can do till this extend that i don need a guy to provide mi life.
i myself can do that for dion and myself.
yes. is reali better to have someone who can be able to help u.
but what is it turn out to fail again?
so do i have to pick up myself from the hurt again?
i rather not risk it.
keep it safe wit dion.:)
alot of ppl may be curious. why mi and him turns out this way.
becos he is constantly lying, betrayin, hurting mi.
but thx goddness, i jump out of the hole fast before it sinks more.
be brave girls!
i believe in everything we do.
girls have more patients and we are stronger compare to guys.
i scolded dion.
is becos she is so crunky.
ya.
i noe she doesnt noe what is day or nite time.
and i noe she don noe what is i am tired.
but.
she jus woke up at midnite to play.
so i jus leave her beside mi and let her be on her own.
but she keep turnin to her left to take mi things.
when i told her not too.
and worst is she keep cry to wake mi up to play wit her.
if i continue to pampered her.
i think in future i can onli blame myself for her misbehavin.
so i turn to her and veri angry
ask her what she wans.
and then she cries.
i noe i shouldnt.
but when i carry her up and she stops her cryin and whine again to hint mi to walk around.
and then i jus leave her back lying down and she cry again!
i didnt care. but i was so angry again. then i look at her wit the fierce look and say "norti girl"
and she cried even worst.
dots.
end up i carry her up and pat her to bed like i olways did.
and then she slps.
zzzzz.
that is my girl!
but kiss her forehead to apologies for being angry.
and she was still whining when her eyes is close.
but i hug her tighter, she turn in more to my body and slp.
i am sorry baby.
mummy love u too.
xuemin