he has a pair of bigger eyes compare to dion.
his cheeks are more chubbier.
his nose is abit more like mine.
he doesnt have that much hair too.
he and dion has the same ear.
his fingers and toes are long too.
he is abit more heavy then dion.
ppl askin mi to walk on my life without him.
i am movin on physically.
but i noe in my heart is draggin this whole life guilty
my baby boy reali look more like mi.
and dion look more like her dad.
but both of them are my babies.
if i can observe and spend lil more time wit u.
i will draw u out.
mummy drawing sucks!
but if is u. i will try my best to make it prettier.
my angel is so cute and sweet lookin.
can u all imagine!?
u gave mi a smile and left mi there cryin in my dreams.
what does that means baby.
is so tough fighting this battle wit my heart.
becos i reali cant forgive myself.
i had this status on my facebook wall ystd.
if i say i am okie; would u all believe? till now. after 1 yr 2 months. i fuckin blame myself for his death! the only way to make mi feel better. pls allow mi to live shorter in this world. at least wait till dion get married. and allow mi to spend the rest of my time wit baby jayken in other world.
ppl tell mi don be like this.
they say is so heart breakin for them to see mi in this state.
i don wan too. i reali don wan too.
i see dion ystd when i am back home.
i cried.
she is slpin.
but jus lookin at her my tears drop.
i imagine her as baby boy.
and i knew nv can it be so real for mi to hold u.
mummy reali need u.
can u come back to mi baby!?
baby. come back to mummy!
pls!
i felt as if i am breakin down..
so hopelessly and upset.
i needed someone to give mi a hug and let mi cry all i wanted!
but i am alone.
so alone.
mummy go out i think of u!
i watch tv and thinkin of u!
i see dion, i think of u!
i eat i think of u!
is jus like every sec.
and worst if i get to have abit of time for myself to think or empty minds.
u fill the whole lot of my brain!
why u wanna make mi feel so suffering!
baby why!
i am sorry.
mummy said sorry.
if u wan.
i bring and pull that jerk to pray u and apologise to u!
tell mummy what are u angry at!?
huh baby!?
mummy no longer can hold up a broken heart ler.
u are steppin on it thou u noe that i am in pain.
real pain.
i noe. i am wrong.
fuckin big wrong. and all is my fault!
i am reali reali sorry baby. . .
he don feel this way doesnt mean mummy don!
he is a jerk doesnt mean mummy is a bitch!
jus like ur sis.
he fuckin says he love her.
but he did nth for her.
but mummy took up the whole responsibility to look after her.
jus like u!
mummy took the whole blame and guilt forever.
isnt it enough baby?
mummy so tired.
i don wanna cry!
i reali hate myself to be so weak.
to act strong, to act that i am happi!
i am not!
i am olso a women who needed someone wit mi.
i am weak olso.
but i don beg for ppl pity!
i don beg for ppl to understand mi!
afterall, i can onli say
sorry . . . . . .
xuemin