as to alot of ppl will noe.
about the statement that i would wanna settle wit baby daddy.
and seriously.
i jus feel that i am jus so useless.
he reali do noe how to messed mi up for godness sake.
cos everybody is rite, my weakness here is becos i still love him alot.
jus becos i love him, the more i wanna hate him and the more i cant put him out of my heart.
my love to him wasnt onli becos of baby.
is all jus started at 081208.
this guy came into my life after a failed r/s i have.
and i foolish trust and fall in love wit him.
a guy that nv fails to put mi first in his life, a guy that jus wanna be wit mi 24hrs.
a guy that jus so silly that that all he wans is mi being happi by his side.
and all those sweet memories we have, nv will i forget that it makes mi fall deeply in love wit him.
rmb the time when we celebrated our first anniversary
thou no gift from u, but i end up being so happi.
and i complete our "first months tgt dairy"
celebration of christmas wit frenx, and miss my movie, but the next day u brought mi to watch.
the first time u see mi sad when my best frenx dump mi leavin wit her frenx when we went down to her work place to wait for her.
and is the new yr eve.
and u spend ur money on flowers thou u tell mi is stupid buying flower for presents.
and the way u surprise mi on valentine 'day.
when i try to change my phone wall paper to pic of mi and my gfs.
u will olways scold mi and act like a baby and say no.
and the way u slp and the way u hug mi askin mi not to leave u.
when i tell u i don wanna go to ur hse to slp cos i misses my hse, to make mi stay right by urside.
u dont care and jus drive mi back to ur hse.
and rmb the one time i suddenly had cravin for my fav tian ji zhou, and stubbornly wanna eat in the nite.
thou u reali abit angry about mi being so stubborn, but end up jus to make mi happi.
u drove mi to buy.
and seriously, babii, i miss it so much that i wanna tell u i don wan us to end this way.
baby dion is not an accident!
u and i should noe it more clearly then others.
i don blame baby, i don blame u. i jus blame myself for being stubborn.
bloggin about u makes mi cry again.
cos it hurts alot to think of u.
our past is a happi one.
and the best loves i had is u.
and baby is the best gift i ever recieve from u=)
here is the conversation bewteen mi and baby daddy.
i send him a long sms jus to ask him to sign on the paper.
xuemin:
i noe u won dare to reply my smses now. cos u are so don wanna read or even sign on the paper.maybe u reali accepted dion. but i reali don trust u do. i love dion more then u. i wanna protect her. but jus like what i am told idk wherede i am rite doin this. cos she will end up growin up without parents or daddy. i need u to noe, having this child protection but wit my permission u will still be allow to see her. i don wish to noe how hurt u will feel when i take baby away from u. but u should noe mi, i am definately not that heartless. so havin it sign is a gd and bad thing ba. but rest assure, i won need u to pay for anithing. don u find irritated by my sms? don u wanna be free away from mi and dion. i am seriously tellin u, i hate myself to keep repeatin same thing to u again and again. so we faster settle the statement and u lead ur own life. i promise i won tell anibodi baby is urs de. i promise u won hear from mi after u sign on that peice of paper. and i promise i will delete every pics, my old blog, and i will throw away everything about us. i too can promise, if ani daywe might meet outside. i willwalk the other way away from u. i swear to u that, i will convince ur mum not to control in ur life as in ur future gf, even i might have to use baby dion to make her agree wit mi. and i swear that nobodi will talk about us animore. this is all terms from mi to make u sign. i don wanna force u eiter. but i am sure u wanna to go back to ur own life before i appear. i promise i will not disturb u, sms u animore after that. jus do mi this one and onli favor, give mi 15 mins of urs and settle everything. i don wanna go up to ur hse. cos reali disrespect to ur parents. and i promise i won be there. jus u and my lawyer=) take it as a last favor i am askin from u. hao ma? i wll let ur parents noe about the statement once u sign on it. cos i don wish anibodi to stop what i wanna do now. jus wanna ask u, do u hate mi for doin it? request from mi, for the first and last time.sign it and free mi and dion ba. i feel veri suffocating throughout this 10 months ever since i met u. jus free urself, mi and dion ba. i promise i will love her more to help u pay back wha she need from u. i won let her suffer de. i promise she is gonna be a pretty girl when she grow up. and i will let her have the best. so don worry about her. she is jus not fated to be ur daughter. but trust mi. what i mention today i will do what i say. jus tell mi a date and i jus need 15 mins from ur 24hrs. and no more about u and us ler. thx=)
junde:
i reali tot u'r crazy.. haiz..is tat wat u wan den i'll do it..but i tin bout our past.is reali a happi one.and u'r de best gf i wil ever hat..i'm jus sorri to u and dion.reali wanna be a gd dad. but i nod i'm not capable to be.so pls git dion happiness ok..i'm reali lookin 4ward to dion to be out.i won distur u both de..tell yr lawyer can he meet outside my hse de bus stop.at around 4..i'll do as u wan.be happi ok..sorri to u and dion.tc..
xuemin:
u are so capable of randomly makin mi crazy. yes. i am crazy.reali goin insane soon. til the extend that i reali hope baby nv appear in my life. i don noe what wrong things i did to make myself lose u cos of dion. and don noe why i ended up a fool jus becos i love u. u are the one who wanna create baby de. but why am i alone when things happen. forget it ba. useless to say le. months or rather weeks back i still hope and pray that u would change. but jus that day in ur hse. i gave up ler. i told u ler. u are jus makin mi love and hate u. i would still smile when i think about what happen in the past. the days when u reali so sweet and nice to mi. where ppl would envy mi havin such a nice bf. u told mi beofre in ur heart a girl hasbeen stayin inside u for nearly 10yrs. but i jus wanna say, being a replacement of her wit u by my side. i reali reali nv regret. if we turn back the time, i wtoo will insist havin baby. i will jus let u noe when my lawyer is okie to go down to meet u at 4. hmmm. i jus wanna u to noe. is olways the last thing i will do to hurt u. thx lots.
he didnt reply ler
and i guess.
no more ler.
had a chat wit ivy ystd nite.
she took junde number without askin mi and wanna sms junde to talk about things.
but i pls her not too.
and i cried abit when i talk about thing about mi and him.
and she say to mi, as a best frenx of mine.
she feel veri heartache so she hope that she can do something for mi.
thx alot loves.
as i told u, i have alreadi go throught this 8 monhts alone.
i will be able to make it through two more months alone too de.
but i jus kinda envy, ppl preg, they still have bf and husband to listen to them ranting about how tired they feel, and how xinku they feel.
but i am sure.
maybe this is xuemin ba.
without rantin, without giving up and without complainin, i will still be able to do this de.
rite?
hao ba.
gonna go rest abit ler.
hmmm.
blog again=)
xuemin