today quite tired for mi.

didnt slp well ystd nite. donnoe what am i thinkin la!!

i reali have the urge to drink XO in my hse.

maybe jus to have a better slp.

can i??

no of course, but i am kinda unhappi.

don wish to mention it ba.

if i reali buay tahan. then i will jus have a small shot of the XO

havin headaches, tummy bloated and difficult in my breathing.

and i am gonna check wit DR.LEE in this comin thursday checkup.

is the last time i am goin for check up monthly ler.

next up will be 2 weeks once ler.

which means, nearer and nearer to my labour.

and is the end of mi and him ler.

STOP THINKIN OF HIM!!! ya.

oh ya, i lost baby dion appointment card!

so i don reali noe what time should i go.

i have told baby daddy mum today about the baby cot that was alreadi in my hse!

and i told her thursday appointment i would wanna go alone.

she asked mi is anione comin wit mi.

but i reali wanna go alone.

doc is tellin mi about the blood test report and maybe to noe wherede i can insist on giving birth dion naturally.

thou i may be abit afraid of the result might not be what i wanna it to be.

but i leave everything to what it is ba=)

afterall, baby dion out safe and sound.

dion slpin alot today after every meals.

she had durain ystd and today.

and thx to da yi, she brew chicken soup for mi ystd.

i feel dion is so so xin fu.

so without her daddy around, i think she is still fine ba.

but without mi, will she be okie?

better don think so much ba.

if not, endless topic.

ah ma told my uncle that she feel heartaches for mi.

i noe what she means.

cos she nv thought i will go throught thing like this all alone.

she say, she expect mi to cry out and let whole world noe i am suffering.

but end up i am still so tupid protecting that guy for no reason despite i am sufferin.

she noe i have alot that i cant say and didnt wanna tell my own family members.

so she say she feel heartaches for mi.

after hearing this, i went into my room and alone cryin.

am i reali acting too brave and strong that ppl infact are even worried about what will happen to mi.

i don wan too, but i got no choice.

now 9 more weeks to baby dion birth.

if can i too wanna rant out, wanna cry like a lil girl and tell them i feel veri veri hurt.

but if i were to do it. i noe alot of thing gonna happen ler.

be a mature girl!

talkin to princess while i am fixing her music mobile.

telling her about how i hope to live wit her.

how much i longed to hug her.

and for months i am waiting alone for her.

tell her i miss her daddy, and ask her wherede she miss her daddy too.

tellin her her daddy bday is on her appointment date.

and tell her daddy will be busy wit "frens"

but infact, i noe is his sweetheart ba.

it hurts to say, but nvm.

jus gotto keep it from princess.

i don wish her to have ani bad impression on his daddy.

i still lie to her that daddy greets her gd nite everyday and daddy say he misses her.

as long as it would make dion happi.

i will do everything!

sorry to dion, when u grow up and read this blog u will noe mummy lied to u.

but pls forgive mummy, i don mean it.

u may understand when u grow up.

baby dion baby cot is place beside my mattress.

i can imagine havin her by my side while i slp.

i reali wanna give her the best.

my dad is so nice to tell mi.

he intend to get a set of gold chains and necklacks for dion.

and it cost 3.5k.

this is dion life!

don be jealous of her, cos she don have a dad!

but i rather hope her daddy still by her side.

hao la.

posting her baby cot pics and i goin off slp soon!

nite everybody=)

xuemin